100percent Wrestling Test Video 2 from Jeff Gilkison on Vimeo.

Old School Style [Version 5] from Jeff Gilkison on Vimeo.

Another PPV out the way and this time it was the biggest one of the calendar year for the e-fed known as the T.F.W.F. as they bolstered their talent pool with an amazing 9 additions to their roster at Death or Glory 2010 itself. To not over shadow the PPV which in a short space of time of being up is already getting rave reviews by T.F.W.F. fans, it still has to be said with these numbers the T.F.W.F. is looking strong. First on the block was the signing of Domingo Cruz.

“I am really happy with this signing” said Ian Monks, “John waited patiently in the sidelines for months to have a chance to rp in T.F.W.F. and now he can hopefully show why he was so patience by bringing a lot to the table.”

Not much is known about John as a rper, but Monks was pleased with the enthusiasm enough to give him the nod to join the T.F.W.F. roster as up and coming wrestler Domingo Cruz in a move which also saw two other stars come into play in Ash Wilson and Riley Kendrick.

“Our aim here is to take a few brand new characters like Ash and Riley and add them into the mix as well, we know the guys handling them so that’s even better. Alongside a fairly recent signing Dragon Demonico and guys like Legion and Masked Marvel I am hoping we got an exciting LHW division as well. Speedy who handles Ash has been an amazing find for T.F.W.F. and was someone I went out and got because of that great OOC attitude.”

The character of Kendrick will be handled by Ken Riley best known for handling Tremere in the T.F.W.F..

“We know what Ken is about as a rper, he was so successful as the Tremere character, but wants a chance to show his worth as a new character. Honestly, I am really excited about these pick ups.”

Elsewhere stability was added in two more established characters Michael Thunder and Hannibal Cage handled by Russ and Tim respectively.

“Russ is just a great guy for e-fedding and the future of our game. I love the concept of Thunder as a character and really got interested in him when we did the OHG stuff. I think him coming to the fed and starting from the bottom is going to be a fun to see what Russ can do.”

And Cage…

“Siberia closing was a pain in the ass for e-wrestling, but we got one character who can light it up. Tim is probably one of the best handlers in the game right now and Hannibal Cage will allow him to have almost a polar opposite to the reigning World Champion Sebastian Cross.”

On top of this Joey Lupino made a shock return as well!

“Yep Sam has brought back one of the best characters in the history of the T.F.W.F.. Could we ask for more. Sam Clarke handling two characters again…that’s a win win for the T.F.W.F..”

Lupino wasn’t the only familiar face to come back as Shane Anderson walked through the doors once more and became the 4th member of TCK

“With Level One leaving we needed a fourth and we needed someone who understood selling a stable and had a character which fit T.F.W.F.. Gary is back in e-wrestling and however you dice it, Gary is a T.F.W.F. guy. Great to have him back with a character in my opinion really underrated. Gary when he wants to be is one of the best team players in e-wrestling…and thats wha we are about…being a team.”

The Tag Division also got a lift with the addition of Old School Style helping play into the gimmick current handler Jag has for APB. Monks is over the moon

“Jag has wanted something new to get his teeth into…OSS gives him that and also gives APB some allies for his fights. Hell, he even has his own video already!”

With the nine additions, the T.F.W.F. did lose three guys at the PPV in James Onlee, Level One and SG Martins. Monks wasn’t willing to comment on most, but saved some special praise for Level One.

“It didnt work out for us and L1 which is a shame. I think the T.F.W.F. aint for everyone and thats how it is. But, can I say thanks to the guy for doing the right thing by the fed. He was leaving months back and still rp’d for his match with Hondo, thats a class act and the rest of e-wrestling could learn a thing or two from that”

With the character of Ian Monks currently written out of storylines and the character of Earl of Cleveland now in them…Monks the fed head has promised to have some shocks on Mayhem

“It wouldn’t be T.F.W.F. without shocks now would it!”

Test Video CAWS from Jeff Gilkison on Vimeo.

APB Music Vid from Jeff Gilkison on Vimeo.

“There is a unique concept that Ryan and Adam have developed with the One Ring Circus, we are about unique in T.F.W.F. and taking the game forward what they have been doing in other feds is something we wanna take a sample of. I think this double signing can only mean great things for the T.F.W.F. game”

When asked about what drew him to the approach Monks was quick to answer…

“We have set out targets for this year to sign big rpers and people that fit the in and out of character image of the T.F.W.F., its been a recruiting drive so to speak, to find two guys who showed how great they can work as rpers in tournaments such as On Hallowed Ground is something we as a fed couldn’t pass up on”

With Ruckus and MDK’s reputations of the highest quality, Monks then fielded a question about the current roster and potential members leaving

“We got one or two guys who are hanging up the keyboard so to speak in June for their runs in T.F.W.F., for some its either they haven’t been able to adapt to the T.F.W.F. game which can be a bit tougher than most, or activities outside mean they have limited time available. At the moment we got a few guys on the shelf with school and work commitments. But for the long haul we have an excellent in shape roster and probably the most competitive and hard working behind the scenes guys in the game. To be honest…if your not with the T.F.W.F. or thinking about it…you are really missing out.”

When asked if Monks would go back on his current recruiting policy and look to sign most people he replied positively

“I won’t turn guys away from going the standard route of application, fact is that’s been our bread and butter for 10 years plus. What we are doing now though is going out there and finding the guys and gals who have the right ooc attitude and enjoy the game for being the game. That’s the T.F.W.F. fit, we don’t do things half arsed so to speak. If you can commit to a rp once a week and can take wins and losses for the fun of the game, that is what we are about. Sure there is competition in the T.F.W.F., but it’s a grown up fed, run by a grown up team that give you the best experience we can do. The door is open, but the rper has to be willing to step through it in character and out of character, I can’t say fairer than that…”

When asked if anymore signings will come Monks offered this

“We still got one or two guys we are looking to recruit. I have said if we can get the roster big enough we will go back to running a second show on T.F.W.F. which we haven’t done for years. It’s exciting times. Whilst most feds are struggling for members and results, we are adjusting things we do to take advantage of an e-wrestling recession, which to be honest I don’t think exists…what I think exists is too many feds haven’t adapted to the changing times. We have done and thats why we are the market leader.”

T.F.W.F. can be found at http://www.tfwf.net and by adding Mahoney McMillian as a facebook friend.

“It’s been an amazing way to finish this feud between Wong and Cross” said Monks “Tim and Marc really set a high standard in the T.F.W.F. this year with their feud and the character of Dorian Wong is just so deep and disturbing we just had to send him off even better than Death or Glory.” The revelation that Wong has been working with James Onlee was something that will no doubt send shocks through the T.F.W.F. world seeing as Onlee as a character hasn’t been seen since June…

“We went back to the linked story we did two years ago between Cross and Onlee…it’s what we do well. We build feuds over two-three years and always give the T.F.W.F. fans something like a thriller to read. That’s the best way I would describe working with Tim, Marc and Chad as rpers the last 3 years. They have helped shape and change the fed into something very exciting for the e-fed fan to read, whether they like straight up promotion wrestling or more in-depth fantasy writing, we have experimented with it and the results have been fabulous.”

Signing Sensations

At the tale end of 2009, T.F.W.F. picked up three big rpers into the fed, and the tradition continued to sign off the year with the return of Chad Onlee (The Reverend James Onlee) to the fed. With a beaming smile on his face Ian said

“Chad and I got into negotiations about 3-4 months back with this idea of his return at the end of the year. As an actual professional wrestler, Chad brings again a ring knowledge as we casual fans can only imagine. His story telling is second to none in the fed, but to have another professional wrestler on the books is a big deal to our e-fed game. Pleasure to have this man back.”

Onlee isn’t the only signing Monks has made, but he is slightly coy on the other…

“We have made a great signing in a guy simply billed as ‘Question Mark’…we don’t want to get into specifics…except chalk this up as A BIG MOVE FOR T.F.W.F.!”

Again pressured, Monks was revealing nothing…

“My lips are sealed, it’s an angle, but again we have gone out there and looked for the best of the best. Keep your eyes fixed on this!”

And the T.F.W.F. hasn’t ruled out yet more moves…

“We are in tight negotiations for a big move in June this year. I am personally over the moon we are even talking to this rper. Both parties are confident we can reach an agreement by the summer when his scheduled eases.”

Promotion

Despite the return of Chad and big new signings coming in some great news in the fed was also announced at the close of the year as Aaron Roberts was promoted to Board Member once more.

“Aaron stepped down from the Board a few years back to concentrate on life outside of fedding, which of course we all do. It’s a hobby after all. I said to Aaron if he ever wanted to come back let me know. I am delighted to announce that day has arrived.”

Aaron brings a lengthy 5 year plus involvement with the T.F.W.F. as well as a real professional wrestling pedigree.

“I had a chance to check out Aaron’s debut in a real ring a few weeks back and it was great, again like Chad he brings to this place actual in ring experience which can be invaluable. It gives our fed such a great mix of actual wrestling talent and of course the creative writers we have in abundance from English majors to film script writers to TV stars…we have got a wealth of diversity here in the fed.”

Roberts will join a board which already boasts a who’s who of successful rpers and creative forces in e-wrestling. Senior Board Member Sam “Duckman” Clarke of EFK.com fame, multi award winning rper  Marq Abriko, former True Expert Kenny Hamilton and one of the rising stars in e-wrestling as well as host of the T.F.W.F. audio show David Valdez. Monks said this about the Board

“I challenge anyone to produce a more dedicated and intelligent writing Board than we have in T.F.W.F.. Honestly, I am blessed as a fed head to work with such amazing guys. They help make this place special and show a reason why we are going into our 12th year on the internet. We haven’t had a late show in something like 8 years and we have something like a 87% longevity rating of over 2 and a half years for rpers. I don’t think a lot of feds can compete with those stats and if they can, more power to them because these guys and the rpers in T.F.W.F. do it for the love of the game we collectively create. We have a saying about being T.F.W.F. for life in this place…it may sound corny, but we think it means just a load of like minded individuals looking to have fun in a creative hobby and looking to get the best possible experience out of it.”

In February this year the T.F.W.F. will kick off it’s PPV calendar with Night of the Revolution 10 one of three mini PPVs it holds a year where the prestigious King of the Deathmatches tournament shall take place. Considered by many to be the stepping stone to T.F.W.F. Main Event status. The future looks bright for once more for T.F.W.F..

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ + + + ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Character Development
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ + + + ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Oh great. Jesus fucking Christ. Can you believe this shit?”

APB’s storming back and forth in his Hotel Room just hours after Monday Mayhem has gone off the air. Amanda looks up from her magazine and arches her eyebrows.

“Hum?”

APB points to his laptop.

“Phenom.”

Amanda shrugs her shoulders.

“So?”

APB slaps his forehead.

“God damned mother fucking Phenom!”

Amanda goes back to her magazine.

“You’ve faced him before right? I’m sure you can do it again.”

APB screams and pulls his (short) hair.

“AND EVERY DAMN TIME HE KICKS MY EVER LOVING ASS! HE GANG RAPES ME RIGHT IN THE DAMNED CENTER OF THE RING!

Besides that. DID YOU EVEN WATCH THE FUCKING SHOW TONIGHT?

Dude got played by Ramon. Dude got played hard by the lil shit….

Noms going to be on a fucking warpath!”

APB pauses. He looks at the ceiling.

“Why the FUCK am I facing ‘Nom this week? What the fuck did I do?”

A look comes over APB’s face…. He snaps his fingers.

“God Damn it. That’s got to be it…

Chester and SG. Those two trumped up little dickwads. They’ve paid Phenom off to kick my fucking ass for me. They’re fucking afraid that Kent Clark and I will take their precious stinking Tag Titles.

They’re so scared, they are sending that BEAST after me.”

Amanda calmly turns the page.

“So…. just… y’know? Beat him and get it over with.”

APB just stares at Amanda with a blank look on his face.

“…. Really? Really? That’s your brilliant fucking plan? ‘Just beat him’? JUST FUCKING BEAT HIM? Jesus Christ! While I’m at it, why don’t I just go out there and stick a lead pipe up Fallen Angels ass and get him pissed off at me too? Maybe after that I can go and wave my magic wand and magically make Aaron Roberts as cool as he thinks he is.”

Amanda laughs

“Better be a huge magic wand.”

APB once more slaps his forehead.

**Sigh**

“That’s not it. That’s not the point. Right now I’m in a damned f’n slump. In case you haven’t noticed I’m getting my ass kicked every god damned week. I’m a god damn fucking loser… Right now I couldn’t ‘beat’ Phenom if he had both hand tied behind his back.”

APB stops and looks himself in the mirror on the wall. He begins to whisper to himself.

“I’m getting old. Too old for this crap. I’m losing my edge… I’m losing my passion…. All it would take…. All it would take…..”

APB looks longingly at the drawer under the mirror. He knows what is in there. But no, that’s not the answer. No matter how much he thinks it could be. He’s NOT a coward of that level. Amanda breaks APB out of his dark thoughts.

“Say, doesn’t Phenom like money?”

APB nods his head.

“Yeah. I’m sure Dipshit and Asshole gave him quite a bit to kick my ass. Prolly going to send him after Clark as well….

Bastards…..

To think I trusted the……..”

Amanda interrupts, without looking up from her magazine.

“What if you offered more money to not ‘kill you’?”

APB glares off into space.

“I couldn’t….. He wouldn’t….. Could I?….. Would he…..?”

APB stares off into space for a few more moments…

“Nah.”

Amanda puts the magazine down, then walks over to APB, she puts her hands on his shoulders and looks him directly into his eyes.

“Now listen here. HAVE you EVER given up?”

APB shakes his head.

“No.”

Amanda smiles.

“How many times have you been beaten, only to fight back?”

APB smiles back.

“Every damn time.”

Amanda’s smile grows.

“What’s the best way to thwart the Commonwealths plans then?”

APB thinks…. you can even see the little gears moving behind his eyes… But no smoke.

“Uhm…..”

Amanda shakes her head.

“Allen, it’s simple… OK, fine you can’t ‘beat’ Phenom. He’s got your number and can kick your ass… Well don’t ‘beat’ him. Don’t ‘win’ the match. Just go out there and make sure he doesn’t hurt you. Just make sure that you walk out of the match with your head held as high as you can.”

APB just looks a tad suspicious at this.

“And how do I do this….?”

Amanda smirks.

“You don’t have to ‘win’ a match to ‘win‘ a match. If you are the only one standing… You are the victor… No matter what the results say…”

APB looks away from Amanda and looks into the mirror.

“I think I see where this is going.”

APB smirks to himself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ + + + ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
In Ring: Trash Talk
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ + + + ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

COME TO LIFE by AlterBridge blasts out of the P.A. System. There is a mixed reaction of boos and cheers as APB steps out of the back. He adjusts his leather jacket as he walks down to the ring. When he reaches the ring, he rolls in. After the music stops, APB holds up a microphone and begins to speak.

APB: When I first looked down at that little piece of paper we get backstage every week at the end of Mayhem… That little piece of paper that tells us what we’ll be doing next week. Who we’ll be fighting, or IF we’ll be fighting….

Well, I’ll admit this week I was just a little frightened. Just a little concerned.

APB lowers the microphone, takes a deep breath and continues on.

APB: See, I looked down and saw that I had a match. That’s a plus. It’s always good to have a match…. That’s what we fucking do…. But then. Then I saw the name across from mine.

APB looks out at the crowd. He frowns… Takes another deep breath then goes on.

APB: I would have been happy to see S.G. Martins. I would have been happy to see Chester Addison. I’d of been happy to see any of the Desert Sex goons…. But no. I didn’t see any of those names. No… I get a name from the past. I get Fucking Phenom.

The crowd react to this…. A mixed reaction? There are a fair number of fans that seem to like seing people just get the shit beat out of them it seems.

APB: I’ll be honest. I was freaked out. I haven’t had that much look against this guy. I’ve teamed up with him… I’ve feuded with him… I’ve fought him…

I’ve done all of that, and every single time… It’s ended the exact same way.

Allen ‘Portal’ Bartsch, laying in a pool of his own blood… Battered, Bruised and Beaten….

APB pauses for a few moments. He’s getting a fairly mixed react… Oh, I think I’ve said that a few times…. anyways… He is getting a mixed reaction.

APB: So… Like I said, I was freaked out. How the hell am I going to beat this guy? What could I possibly do to make it past him so that I can concentrate on Ice Storm and showing those douchecocks the Commonwealth Connection that even an old dog can learn new tricks?

I thought about it. I thought about it long and hard.

APB reaches into his pocket… he pulls out a checkbook.

APB: And the answers I came up with were simple. One, I could just fight my hardest. I KNOW I can fight with ‘Nom. I know I can get the shit beat out of me. I KNOW that afterwords I can do like I always do and crawl my way to the back… Lick my wounds and come back for more….

Or…….

Or… I could do the smart thing. ‘Nomer… I know you’re back there. I know you’re listening to this… Prolly masturbating to thoughts of hitting me over the head with your big baseball bat. So listen to this ‘big man’…

I know The Commonwealth had to set up this match. I KNOW those Douchecocks have to be paying you to kick my ass…. So whey don’t you come out here and I can just write a check… Then you can get paid twice and just not have to do any work….

Think about it big man. Think about it. You’re getting paid twice. You don’t have to break a sweat kicking my ass… and you can spend all that energy going after Ramon…. Dude… It’s an awesome plan…..

So…..? What do you sa………………

“Shut the fuck up.”

No complicated set up. We get right into things. APB is standing in front of a TFWF camera. Somewhere backstage. Somewhere with pipes in the background. He’s in street clothes. Some damn tech guy is trying to stick a mic on the collar of his leather jacket.

“Get the fuck off me. Here, I’ll just fucking do it.”

He does.

“Let’s just get this the fuck over with. I’m not in the mood for any of this damn bullshit.”

Tech Nerd backs up and tells the camera man to start. They do.

“It can’t all be ME…? Right? It just can’t. It can’t all be my fault.”

APB runs his hands through his hair, then frowns at the camera.

“I’ll be the first to admit it. I’ve got some god damned problems in my head. I seem to go through mood swings like a f—king teenager.

But………

It just CAN’T ALL be ME. Look, last week it looked like Martins and I were at least on the same god damned page… but after Mayhem I don’t think we’re even reading out of the same damn book!”

APB continues to stare into the camera.

“Now, I’m just going to damn well rip the stupid f’n book up and throw it away. This week, It’s a f’n handicap match. This week I’ve no partner. It’s me on one side vs. Crème de la Crème and Stevie Swing… then on a third side… off in his own little corner is S.G. Martins, waiting to stab me in the f’n back.”

APB points to his eyes.

“I’m on to you S.G. I’m on to your game plan. You’re buttering up to me so you can have a damn freaking fall boy for you and your little pity party. You’re going to use me as the damned freaking fall guy for anybody that wants to come after your lame freaking tag titles.”

APB punches his hand with his fist.

“I won’t be your freaking tool! F—k you guys. F—k the Commonwealth Connection. I’m done with you punks.”

APB stops. He takes a deep breath, then continues.

“Now Crème… Stevie… don’t think this means I’m not going to be coming at you two in our match. I am and I will. I’m in this to win it. I’m tired of freaking losing every god damned f’n week. I’m tired of being pushed aside for the freaking flavors of the f’n month. Every tod damned week some new fly by night prick comes into this company and Ian Monks and the rest of the higher ups.. the board and the media give them verbal f’n blow jobs….

Only to have these self righteous, self inflated walking f’n ego’s ride high on a wave of f’n hype…. Only to fall to the ground in disgrace as they turn out not to be the god damned mother f’n saviors to this Mother F’n SPORT THAT THEY THINK THEY ARE!”

APB stops and stares at the camera for a few moments…. Then he takes a deep breath and shakes his head.

“Heh… Sorry I don’t quite know exactly where that came from. It’s not what I meant to say…..”

APB just continues to stare at the camera.

“Seriously guys. Maybe we should stop rolling. I meant to say how I wasn’t going to let Stevie’s being a female get in the way of giving her a fight. Then I was going to go into a speech where I would allude to Crème being ‘gay’ and how I don’t like people ‘like him’… Only to reveal that ‘people like him’ are… Desert Sex fans… But I don’t know……”

APB looks down at the ground.

“After that tirade I don’t feel like making jokes.

After that tirade, I just don’t feel like laughing.”

Yet again APB pauses, then goes on.

“After the last few months… maybe the only joke here is me.”

APB begins to walk off… he turns back to the camera before leaving.

“Cut the fucking tape. Take it out and burn it……”

APB leaves. The camera man looks at Tech nerd…. Tech Nerd smiles.

“Nah, let’s show it.”

PART ONE, Co with S.G. Martins

“Just what the fuck is this shit?”

[APB is standing in front of the camera, looking at something off camera. Amanda is standing next to him, big smile on her face.]

“Allen, just calm down. This is all for the best.”

[APB shakes his head and crosses his arms.]

“No. I refuse. I won’t do it. I don’t NEED to do it.”

[Amanda puts on a little pout.]

“Aww come on. For me… pweeeese…..”

[APB takes a deep sigh.]

“But I can’t stand him. Just the sound of his voice makes me want to punch kittens.”

[Amanda puts her hand on Allens shoulder and she smiles up at him, flipping her hair and giggling like a school girl.]

“Oh, you old fart, you everything makes you want to punch kittens these days.”

[APB ignores that she is joking and begins a Noah Hansonesqe tirade.]

“It’s these damn kids these days and their hippity hoppity rap music and their Tamagotchimon toys and their Sony Walk-a-podmans. Jesus Christ, they’ve replaced Beta with these fucking discs!…..”

[APB stops. He once more looks beyond the camera.]

“CUT!”

[Amanda looks up at Allen.]

“What’s wrong this time?”

“God Fucking Damnit. I’m not THAT fucking old. I told you this is why I didn’t want to work with him. He thinks I’m some kind of prehistoric dinosaur.

That, and he drives me fucking insane. I can never under…..”

“Yo Yo Yo! Mr. Bartlebee! Duuuuude why’s ya not liking my script, yo!”

[From off screen steps.... Savage Youth. Youth gives APB a huge hug then slaps Amanda on the ass.]

“Damn girl, you’s be looking mighty fucking fly… Yo. APB… If ya’s wasn’t so close to having a heart attack in dah center of dah ring, I’d ask ya if I could break me off a piece o your wifey’s fine ass tail.. Yo!”

[APB just stares at Savage with a look of mixed anger and confusion on his face.]

“Wha…. What the fuck did you just say?”

[Savage Youth just stares at APB.]

“Seriously, I can’t understand a fucking word that comes out of your mouth. Are you stupid, or just fucking retarded? Christ, how the fuck could I be dumb enough to let Amanda talk me into this shit? ‘Oh, Allen, you just don’t have enough Charisma. I know who could teach you some personality. The kid’s a fucking cult legend. He get’s begged to show up places. He’s funny. Wrestling talent alone can’t do it any more. Kids today want to see somebody with a personality. That’s why Desert Sex are doing so good. People can laugh at them. Maybe you should kick up your personality a bit. It wouldn’t hurt’. Well Jesus Christ Amanda. Look at that fucking lump of wet bullshit standing in front of me. This kid’s a fucking moron.

I’d be surprised if this kid can function at an acceptable level. Lord knows he can’t fucking talk. He’s all goofed up on some kind of drugs and shit.

Hey. Kid.”

[APB snaps his fingers in front of Savage's face.]

“Are you goofed up on the Marijuana? Are you a pot-head? You’re nothing but a miscreant aren’t you? A drug addled teenager. Right?”

[Savage stares at APB for a few moments.]

“Yo…. Dude… I am sooo high right now. Dude.. you’re face is all red and shit. You remind me of Hank Hill. Getting all pissed off and red faced. Yelling about how ‘that kid ain’t right, I tell you whut’. Duuuude. You needs to just chill-ax.. yo.”

[APB rolls his eyes and sighs.]

“Can we just get this over with? What the hell are you supposed to teach me anyways? Making a fool out of myself and talking like a idiot isn’t going to help me beat Aaron Roberts.”

[Savage Youth starts laughing.]

“Yo. Dude. Nuthing you or the Cream-puff Connection do are going to help youse dudez beat Desert Sex.”

[APB once more rolls his eyes.]

“Christ, this is fucking pointless. This isn’t doing anything but giving me a fucking headache.”

[Amanda puts her hand on APB's shoulders and smiles up at him.]

“The kid may be an idiot, but I think he has a point. It’s not just about what you can do in the ring. You need to get your name more out there. You need to make people notice you more. You need a personality.”

[Savage holds up a finger... then sniffs the finger. After shuddering and throwing up in his mouth a little...]

“Yo dude. Denture Virgins will never beat Desert Sex…”

[APB stops him.]

“Denture Virgins?”

[Savage smiles.]

“Duuuuuude. You be the dentures and the Connection be the virgins. Dude, I bet’s they be all Insider and shit and like ‘Rragh! My Pokemon beats your Digimon! Fucking virgins.”

[…............]

“What the fuck is a Pokemon?”

[APB asks, as Savage Youth starts to dig in his pockets.]

“Dudez! I has one right here. Dude, it’s like ultra rare and shit. It’s fucking awesome. Better than sex…..

I think…. dunno. Anyways, dude, you just needs a personality. Youse needs something to sell yourself to the people and make like tons and tons of money.”

[APB just stares at Savage for a few seconds. Then at Amanda. Then back to Savage. Finally he sighs and shrugs his shoulders.]

“Oh… OK. Fine I’ll give it a shot. What’s your plan for some ‘personality’?”

[Savage jumps up and down in excitement.]

“DUDE! YO! This is gonna be so fucking EPIC!]

[Savage holds up a guitar.]

“YO! You gonna beat Desert Sex at their own game. You’re gonna sing!”

END PART ONE THE SET UP

PART TWO THE PROMO

[COME TO LIFE by AlterBridge blasts out of the PA system at a local house show set up to hype Autumn Annihilation. APB promptly steps out of the back. He's in street clothes. APB slowly walks down to the ring. When he gets in, he takes a few seconds to begin speaking.]

APB: This isn’t quite what I really want to say. This isn’t quite what I think is best. If I left everything up to myself. If I left everything up to the way I want to do this, I’d just come out here and promist Aaron Roberts a fight. The purness of fighting is what I enjoy most about matchups like this. Making cutesy little videos isn’t fun for me.

Making little jokes about my opponent isn’t what I’m all about.

However. This one isn’t about what I want. This time it’s about what everybody else wants. And even though after this is out, I’ll have to walk around with a paper bag on my head. Here I go…

The world premier of….

Well…

My country music vide. “Deep Fried Cobra Ass.” Enjoy… I know I won’t.

[APB walks off, head held down in shame as the video plays.]

PART TWO, My OWN.
TFWF.net and APB.net Present

The scene is that same as you’ve just seen. Only a few moments later. APB is now standing in front of the camera. He smiles at the camera then begins to speak.

APB: So…. In the spirit of co-operation, I’ve decided the working with the Connection is much better than working against them. This week, I team up with S.G. Martins.

APB frowns.

APB: Well. I don’t really have too much to say about that. The kids a good hand. He’s one half of the Tag-Team champions… And no matter what anybody says, that’s a major accomplishment.

Now, last night, Aaron Roberts showed he was the better man…..

APB grins.

APB: The better man at cheating. Roberts, I applaud your ability to win via any means necessary. I applaud it, because it’s what I should of expected…

I shouldn’t of gave in to Amanda and Savage Youth. I shouldn’t of listened to their hair-brained ideas. Who cares if I sing a god damned song? Who cares how ‘funny’ I try to be? Personality means jack shit in the ring. Sure it may sell you a few more t-shirts……

But really… How many more? Four? Wow, with that kind of scratch maybe you could go out and actually get a proper hosting site to host your wonderful music?

That way maybe people can actually hear it before knowing how crap it is.

Now……

All of the sudden, APB is interrupted by the crazy German coach.

CGC: Nein! Nein! Nein! Are you dissing da vunderbar team known as the Desert Sex?

APB: Yeah?

CGC: Nein! Nein! Nein! You must get out of ze gym! Ya. Ze Desert Sechs ist da greatest group in ze Vurld!

APB rolls his eyes.

APB: You can NOT be serious.

CGC: Ya. I AM serious. Ze Deser Sechs ist Vunderbar. Zey are Ze greatest band in ze vurld… I love them almost as much as I luv my beloved Hitle…. Er….

APB: What? You’re a Nazi!

The Crazy German Coach shakes his head.

CGC: Nein! Nein! I am NOT A NAZI! That ist rediculou……

APB: Heil Hitler.

The Crazy German Coach raises one arm

CGC: Heil Hitler!

He stops, then quickly lowers his arm.

CGC: Nein! You tricked me. Get out of my gym! Get out! I am not a Nazi… I am a Desert Sex Fan!

As APB walks out of the gym

APB: There is a difference?

END