PART ONE, Co with S.G. Martins

“Just what the fuck is this shit?”

[APB is standing in front of the camera, looking at something off camera. Amanda is standing next to him, big smile on her face.]

“Allen, just calm down. This is all for the best.”

[APB shakes his head and crosses his arms.]

“No. I refuse. I won’t do it. I don’t NEED to do it.”

[Amanda puts on a little pout.]

“Aww come on. For me… pweeeese…..”

[APB takes a deep sigh.]

“But I can’t stand him. Just the sound of his voice makes me want to punch kittens.”

[Amanda puts her hand on Allens shoulder and she smiles up at him, flipping her hair and giggling like a school girl.]

“Oh, you old fart, you everything makes you want to punch kittens these days.”

[APB ignores that she is joking and begins a Noah Hansonesqe tirade.]

“It’s these damn kids these days and their hippity hoppity rap music and their Tamagotchimon toys and their Sony Walk-a-podmans. Jesus Christ, they’ve replaced Beta with these fucking discs!…..”

[APB stops. He once more looks beyond the camera.]

“CUT!”

[Amanda looks up at Allen.]

“What’s wrong this time?”

“God Fucking Damnit. I’m not THAT fucking old. I told you this is why I didn’t want to work with him. He thinks I’m some kind of prehistoric dinosaur.

That, and he drives me fucking insane. I can never under…..”

“Yo Yo Yo! Mr. Bartlebee! Duuuuude why’s ya not liking my script, yo!”

[From off screen steps.... Savage Youth. Youth gives APB a huge hug then slaps Amanda on the ass.]

“Damn girl, you’s be looking mighty fucking fly… Yo. APB… If ya’s wasn’t so close to having a heart attack in dah center of dah ring, I’d ask ya if I could break me off a piece o your wifey’s fine ass tail.. Yo!”

[APB just stares at Savage with a look of mixed anger and confusion on his face.]

“Wha…. What the fuck did you just say?”

[Savage Youth just stares at APB.]

“Seriously, I can’t understand a fucking word that comes out of your mouth. Are you stupid, or just fucking retarded? Christ, how the fuck could I be dumb enough to let Amanda talk me into this shit? ‘Oh, Allen, you just don’t have enough Charisma. I know who could teach you some personality. The kid’s a fucking cult legend. He get’s begged to show up places. He’s funny. Wrestling talent alone can’t do it any more. Kids today want to see somebody with a personality. That’s why Desert Sex are doing so good. People can laugh at them. Maybe you should kick up your personality a bit. It wouldn’t hurt’. Well Jesus Christ Amanda. Look at that fucking lump of wet bullshit standing in front of me. This kid’s a fucking moron.

I’d be surprised if this kid can function at an acceptable level. Lord knows he can’t fucking talk. He’s all goofed up on some kind of drugs and shit.

Hey. Kid.”

[APB snaps his fingers in front of Savage's face.]

“Are you goofed up on the Marijuana? Are you a pot-head? You’re nothing but a miscreant aren’t you? A drug addled teenager. Right?”

[Savage stares at APB for a few moments.]

“Yo…. Dude… I am sooo high right now. Dude.. you’re face is all red and shit. You remind me of Hank Hill. Getting all pissed off and red faced. Yelling about how ‘that kid ain’t right, I tell you whut’. Duuuude. You needs to just chill-ax.. yo.”

[APB rolls his eyes and sighs.]

“Can we just get this over with? What the hell are you supposed to teach me anyways? Making a fool out of myself and talking like a idiot isn’t going to help me beat Aaron Roberts.”

[Savage Youth starts laughing.]

“Yo. Dude. Nuthing you or the Cream-puff Connection do are going to help youse dudez beat Desert Sex.”

[APB once more rolls his eyes.]

“Christ, this is fucking pointless. This isn’t doing anything but giving me a fucking headache.”

[Amanda puts her hand on APB's shoulders and smiles up at him.]

“The kid may be an idiot, but I think he has a point. It’s not just about what you can do in the ring. You need to get your name more out there. You need to make people notice you more. You need a personality.”

[Savage holds up a finger... then sniffs the finger. After shuddering and throwing up in his mouth a little...]

“Yo dude. Denture Virgins will never beat Desert Sex…”

[APB stops him.]

“Denture Virgins?”

[Savage smiles.]

“Duuuuuude. You be the dentures and the Connection be the virgins. Dude, I bet’s they be all Insider and shit and like ‘Rragh! My Pokemon beats your Digimon! Fucking virgins.”

[…............]

“What the fuck is a Pokemon?”

[APB asks, as Savage Youth starts to dig in his pockets.]

“Dudez! I has one right here. Dude, it’s like ultra rare and shit. It’s fucking awesome. Better than sex…..

I think…. dunno. Anyways, dude, you just needs a personality. Youse needs something to sell yourself to the people and make like tons and tons of money.”

[APB just stares at Savage for a few seconds. Then at Amanda. Then back to Savage. Finally he sighs and shrugs his shoulders.]

“Oh… OK. Fine I’ll give it a shot. What’s your plan for some ‘personality’?”

[Savage jumps up and down in excitement.]

“DUDE! YO! This is gonna be so fucking EPIC!]

[Savage holds up a guitar.]

“YO! You gonna beat Desert Sex at their own game. You’re gonna sing!”

END PART ONE THE SET UP

PART TWO THE PROMO

[COME TO LIFE by AlterBridge blasts out of the PA system at a local house show set up to hype Autumn Annihilation. APB promptly steps out of the back. He's in street clothes. APB slowly walks down to the ring. When he gets in, he takes a few seconds to begin speaking.]

APB: This isn’t quite what I really want to say. This isn’t quite what I think is best. If I left everything up to myself. If I left everything up to the way I want to do this, I’d just come out here and promist Aaron Roberts a fight. The purness of fighting is what I enjoy most about matchups like this. Making cutesy little videos isn’t fun for me.

Making little jokes about my opponent isn’t what I’m all about.

However. This one isn’t about what I want. This time it’s about what everybody else wants. And even though after this is out, I’ll have to walk around with a paper bag on my head. Here I go…

The world premier of….

Well…

My country music vide. “Deep Fried Cobra Ass.” Enjoy… I know I won’t.

[APB walks off, head held down in shame as the video plays.]

PART TWO, My OWN.
TFWF.net and APB.net Present

The scene is that same as you’ve just seen. Only a few moments later. APB is now standing in front of the camera. He smiles at the camera then begins to speak.

APB: So…. In the spirit of co-operation, I’ve decided the working with the Connection is much better than working against them. This week, I team up with S.G. Martins.

APB frowns.

APB: Well. I don’t really have too much to say about that. The kids a good hand. He’s one half of the Tag-Team champions… And no matter what anybody says, that’s a major accomplishment.

Now, last night, Aaron Roberts showed he was the better man…..

APB grins.

APB: The better man at cheating. Roberts, I applaud your ability to win via any means necessary. I applaud it, because it’s what I should of expected…

I shouldn’t of gave in to Amanda and Savage Youth. I shouldn’t of listened to their hair-brained ideas. Who cares if I sing a god damned song? Who cares how ‘funny’ I try to be? Personality means jack shit in the ring. Sure it may sell you a few more t-shirts……

But really… How many more? Four? Wow, with that kind of scratch maybe you could go out and actually get a proper hosting site to host your wonderful music?

That way maybe people can actually hear it before knowing how crap it is.

Now……

All of the sudden, APB is interrupted by the crazy German coach.

CGC: Nein! Nein! Nein! Are you dissing da vunderbar team known as the Desert Sex?

APB: Yeah?

CGC: Nein! Nein! Nein! You must get out of ze gym! Ya. Ze Desert Sechs ist da greatest group in ze Vurld!

APB rolls his eyes.

APB: You can NOT be serious.

CGC: Ya. I AM serious. Ze Deser Sechs ist Vunderbar. Zey are Ze greatest band in ze vurld… I love them almost as much as I luv my beloved Hitle…. Er….

APB: What? You’re a Nazi!

The Crazy German Coach shakes his head.

CGC: Nein! Nein! I am NOT A NAZI! That ist rediculou……

APB: Heil Hitler.

The Crazy German Coach raises one arm

CGC: Heil Hitler!

He stops, then quickly lowers his arm.

CGC: Nein! You tricked me. Get out of my gym! Get out! I am not a Nazi… I am a Desert Sex Fan!

As APB walks out of the gym

APB: There is a difference?

END